Are we ever truly done in therapy?

One of the frequent questions I am asked in a consultation with a new client is “how long will I need to come for?”. It’s a great question but a really tough one to answer.

Firstly, I think therapy means different things to different people; for some it’s about processing an event, for some a childhood, a relationship, behaviours and for some clients, therapy is about continual development of the self and self-awareness. My answer to the question tends to be “until you decide to no longer come” but the meaning they place on therapy dictates our conversations about what that looks like for them.

I/We can’t possibly know everything…

The longer I work as a therapist, the more I learn and yet realise the extent of what I don’t know. More so recently as I venture into the world of Brainspotting - I realise how much I can never know. Everything and everyone is constantly evolving - if we or the world don’t stand still, then isn’t there always room for learning more about ourselves and how to be well in our society and lives?

The connection is special!

There was a time when I thought talking about connection was a little bit woowoo and now, it’s where I thrive personally and as a therapist. The more I focus on connection with my clients, the more effective the work, the deeper it (the work) goes and the greater the client’s connection with all parts of themselves.

Wondering if you’re connected to yourself? Read here.

I consider this as one of the gifts of being a therapist - firstly I learn, then I see it in real time between me and a client. When I say see it, I feel it, in my body. There’s an energy, so much information swirling between us that is so useful in the work. Eventually, they see/feel it too and they start using it (the information/energy). The gift is the experience and then the choice to access it for myself.

I recently went back into therapy and looked for someone that worked with the body, my therapist is a Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and helps me enhance my connection and understanding of this part of me. There’s something unequivocally different in my experience of this as therapist and as client. The connection between myself and my own therapist heightens my own experience and holds space for me to slow down long enough to notice what emerges i.e. the chain of reaction that comes from a thought, memory or need.

I use therapy as an ongoing means to show up for myself in a space that is for me and me alone; where my parts quietened by life, can meet me there.

Memory goes beyond our recall.

Whilst not all clients know exactly what they are coming to process in therapy, most do. Most clients I have worked with are able to articulate with some degree of awareness linked to memories and knowledge about relationships and attachment, that facilitate the beginning of our working relationship.

For others, there’s an implicit process which is held in the body and difficult to find words for.

This is because there’s only a small fraction of our lives that the brain can process and store as recallable memory - this is called explicit memory. The fantastic thing (or not as you may think) is that not all the other information is lost, it is stored within our nervous system and sub-cortical regions of the brain - the parts that language doesn’t have direct access to.

Why is this important?

This is important because sometimes, even when a client has had a ‘decent amount’ of therapy, the body can still respond to events from memories that are stored outside of their awareness. This can be quite confusing and dysregulating, especially if you feel safer being able to cognitively attend to your responses with explicit memory and making sense of.

So, are we ever truly done in therapy?

The long and short of it is - it’s you that decides.

The reason I wrote this article is to demonstrate some of the complexities and ever changing elements of you - your body and mind.

There’s something I believe with every inch of my being - that life consistently invites us to abandon parts of ourselves. It priorities the doing more, the doing quicker, the being the best, the looking like… the being like… and as a consequence we fall out of true connection with our world, our others and ourselves. And because of this we struggle to live well.

What you need today wasn’t what you needed 5 years ago, there may be threads that look and feel the same but you are evolving. I invite you to ensure you’re evolving in the ways that work for you, the ways that support the life you want to live, and take as long as it takes to do that.