How Can I Connect To My Body?
Not being connected with our body has implications in all areas of life. One thing in particular we are exploring in the Facebook group for parents/carers during August (2020), with nutritional therapist Alice Godfrey, is how we can get more energy and better well-being using food.
I may be stating the obvious, but in order to use food this way, we need to be connected with our body to identify we are low on energy or that we’re struggling in the first place - and not everyone does realise this.
In order to take full advantage of Alice Godfrey’s generosity; let’s talk about how you can connect with your body, before she joins us in the Facebook group…
2 Reasons Why You May Be Disconnecting From Your Body?
This is by no means an exhaustive list but will hopefully set the scene enough for you to develop your own understanding of your experiences.
Your Beliefs
Our belief system is continuously developed through life, starting in our very early years where we gather information about ourselves, others and the world, in order to establish how we can best get our needs met. In essence, these early beliefs are about survival - we need love and connection, as well as the more general things like food and shelter. Love and connection are not always available as we need them to be - this isn’t always about neglect and abuse (and at times it is), sometimes our parents simply don’t recognise our needs and if they do, sometimes they aren’t able to provide what our temperament requires; we all have a limited capacity right?
If we experience some emotional pain due to our needs not being met, what we can do to ‘survive’ that experience, is disconnect from our body so we don’t feel the discomfort, so we’re not feeling the sensations/pain in our body. This then allows us to continue functioning in those relationships, like we remove the need by removing the discomfort. A belief develops and may sound like this;
“I have to be strong to belong here”
The only thing is, the need doesn’t go away, instead over time we become unaware of the need and the pain but it can resonate, out of awareness, in our body.
This could be a reason you are disconnected from your body, and if it is, connecting with your body again needs to be gentle because when you start to hear what your body is telling you, there may be emotions in there that you’ve spent a lot of years avoiding and denying.
Your nervous System
Your nervous system never stops working, and we can be very thankful of that! One thing that can mean my clients are not particularly thankful, is if their nervous system works on over-drive.
A sensitive nervous system can occur for lots of reasons, perhaps you’ve experienced trauma (either historical or recently in an accident) or perhaps over the years you have experienced anxiety, which is experienced in the nervous system, and it’s consistent presence has created a new ‘normal’ state of functioning in your body i.e. one of hyper-arousal/state of fight or flight.
If you have a nervous system that constantly feels like it’s on high alert, in order to survive that experience, you may attempt to disconnect from your symptoms and inner experiences, in order to function in your every day life.
Unfortunately, disconnecting only perpetuates your symptoms. With guidance, you can learn to develop your inner feelings of safety and to then lean into your body and meet your needs, with success.
Things To Consider And Try
If you have experienced trauma, consider having some therapy. Having therapy doesn’t mean you have to delve into your trauma as such, you can tell your therapist what you want to achieve by being there, and this may simply be, to understand the implications of trauma more. The right therapist can help you recover from your traumatic experiences, whether they were experienced over time or a one-time event. We are trained to work with you in a safe and gentle way and you can start to live your life as the whole you, without the need to disconnect in order to make it through the day.
If you’re a parent/carer, consider the extra challenge your trauma presents in connecting with your children, in having the energy to invest in your relationship with them; disconnecting will be taking a lot of your energy.
Take time in your day to sit and turn your attention inwards. This can be hard to do at first, especially if you naturally gravitate to the chaos around you. You may be best to start doing it in a quiet room and when you’re alone; when you get the hang of it, you will have developed muscle memory for the exercise and will be able to do it anywhere.
What I’m describing here is a body scan (you can find lots of examples on YouTube), the idea of turning your attention inwards, slowing down the pace and noticing sensations in your body.
Practice mindfulness often. Mindfulness is about being present in the moment and suggests that if you are fully present, you are being your whole self (as opposed to disconnected). Again, practising this often means you develop a kind of muscle memory for the exercise which makes it easier to access in times of stress.
You can be mindful by using your senses to notice what you can hear, see, smell, feel and taste.
You can see your children playing and then stop to pay attention to your experience of them playing (the mindfulness part) - if you feel joy and happiness, where does it sit in your body, how does it motivate you? If you feel sadness whilst you watch them play (think belief system and how some may not have had the opportunity), then where does it sit in your body, how have you been managing this and how has it been effecting your ability to be playful in your life today?
If you have found this difficult to read and experience, do come join our Facebook group which is private and for parents and carers, you don’t have to be alone with it. You can also enquire about therapy with me too.
Recorded for The Parent Circle, August 2020